We’re not alone with “Influence”

Making changes to live a life that worked for me was intuitive and seemed more a necessity than a bold choice. When my career ambitions within the traditional constructs left no room for my family or my development as a human, I opted-out of the construct. Society’s definition of what it meant for me to work in my chosen field seemed stifling. Of course, my “intuition” struck at the height of the economic downturn. Thanks to an amazing support network, no one said that I was an insane person; but I suspected I might be and I certainly felt alone.

Why had my mother and grand mother filled my head with such fantasies about career and family when the reality is almost impossible to maintain? Was I the only women in the world that felt work was a “soul crushing” experience, like someone was going to tap me on the shoulder one day and say, “you’ve been found out, we know you don’t belong here?”

So you can imagine my elation when I read these exact words in Maddy Dychtwald’s Influence: How Women’s Soaring Economic Power Will Transform Our World for the Better. It will be available May 4, 2010, but I have an advance copy because a natural series of events has led me to work with Maddy on the launch of this ground-breaking book. I say it was natural because her message is in exact proportion with how I’m choosing to earn a living today. My personal experience with Maddy is that not only is her message “bright” and true, but Maddy is true to her message.

When I finished Influence I felt a part of a whole; inspired to do my best work and empowered to be who I am while doing it. I had confirmation that others were behind me, lot’s of others, from all over the world. I was no longer moving alone but a part of a movement. Maddy Dychtwald’s research proves the countries that harness women’s economic power thrive globally and human economic success now depends on it. Once more, she asserts in the book, I have influence and I’m doing myself and this world a disservice if I don’t use it!

Influence is chock full of women’s stories detailing how they’re changing society as we know it. I guarantee you’ll find yourself in this book.

Pre-order Influence and become a part of the movement by sharing your experiences with Maddy and the rest of the world on how you are using your influence to make changes in your daily life. Join the conversation on Twitter, Facebook and the blog about women’s economic emancipation and how it’s changing our homes, our workplace and our society for the better.

Silent Solace

Brent Webb

A key part of communication is not communicating. The balance between articulation and silence is as essential as the ebb and flow of the sea. Silence as a response, in some cases, is better than a well researched answer. It allows air between two counter parts. The air is full of unknown; an abundance for opportunity.

The air lingers, floats, and wafts over each party, shaping potential. Exercise silence like the cognitive action of taking a shower in search of a “eureka.” Human nature dictates that communication will proceed in time, however the silence will work to move the unknown into a the known without forcing a solution.

Silence is another medium in the mixed media of communication art. Solace is the side effect. The peace comes not only because you find answers, but also because you learn more about others. People speak more when you don’t. Listen, respond with care and in time.

I found the artist Brent Webb, who went to MICA, the same school as my sister. I like his work. He’s currently showing at The George T. Dennis Visual and Performing Arts Center Gallery Southeastern Illinois College.

Selfish Missing Behavior

Over a relaxing meal with friend and author, Valorie Burton, we came to a point in our conversation where she asked me simply, “So what’s missing?” A seven-month pregnant pause sat between us. I scanned my brain for the obvious clues but came up blank. Then words fell out of my mouth involuntarily, “I’m missing.”

Cornelia Hediger

Selfish behavior has such a negative connotation that it’s easy to live in the service of others; family, society, work or a combination. This is what responsible “adults” do. Our identity becomes so tightly wound around these selfless acts and their positive associations that we are not even aware of a need to develop our passions. In fact, the word “passion” can seem a foreign, flaky, meaningless ideal when first pondered.

Responsible “adults” are not selfish. Responsible adults are people. People are selfish in the beginning and taught this is bad and it’s good to care for others and be responsible.

Our first responsibility is to ourselves. We can’t be anything for anyone if we aren’t everything to ourselves. It’s like what they tell us on the airplane, “Put your gas mask on first.”

Actively engaging my passion makes me present in my life. Showing up as myself and engaging others at this basic human level is love. Selfish is not miss behaving, selfless is missing in action.

Corneloa Hediger is the featured photographer who explores fear, hope, joy, despair and destruction in her work. In this series she performance a psychological struggle with her ghostly double.

Post Control

Powerless Structures, Fig. 11 (1997)

Surrendering control is a precarious act. If handled incorrectly we perceive it as a sign of weakness in ourselves and others. In fact, this is the greatest place of power.

Inhabiting a mindset that we have no control over our lives is simply accepting that there is a greater plan for our lives. We are empty to all possibilities instead of approaching opportunities filled with answers.

Our intelligence keeps us in control of situations but separates us from optimal possibilities. Curbing the urge to battle and adopting an attitude of acceptance is the difference between a graceful dive and a fatal fall.

360 Degree Life

Oliver Marsden

Squarely planted in the center of it all it’s easy to take in the three hundred and sixty degree view. Disorienting at first, this crystal clear perspective on situations unchanged opens space for new approaches. Operating from this vantage point, less achieves more and silence is welcome. People are not other and goals are not external or distant.

Indulgence in activities that nurture and energize are essential to keep this central perspective. Work, people or social outlets that only pull on our energy naturally tug us off-center and skews our perspective. The minute our perspective is off, it takes twice as much energy to do anything, we’re much louder and our goals seem further away.

Oliver Marsden

It’s easy to make everything more important than ourselves; feeding everyone around us with our energy until we’re so drained that nothing short of plugging into an outlet will recharge our battery. This is because we focus all of our activity out. We are doing for others, in whatever capacity that may take form, but the energy is not being reciprocated.

Our batteries can become rechargeable. By focusing on centralizing activities that feed our passions or interests. These usual come in forms that seem to have no value to anyone but you. Can’t think of what that is? Start by imagining what you might do if you didn’t have to make money for a living? What would your life look like? Then choose some activities that relate to the idea. These kinds of activities will feed and nurture your mind and replenish the energy that used to feel lost forever.

Maybe it’s spending fewer hours watching TV and going to art openings, reading biker magazines, taking belly dancing classes, or learning how to build a YouTube subscriber page. Whatever centralizing activities will get you to 360 degree clarity, it’s worth it.

Blurs and Razors

Moving really fast through life blurs the scenery and is a clever solution to avoid pain. Some people even carry a sharp razor to slice off anything that threatens to hang on to their bumper. This is an effective road to some kinds of success. Until you either reach the end of it or the motion itself makes you ill; or both.

Then what?

We’re standing at the end of the road, with “success” in our hand but able to clearly see all the pain we’ve so effectively avoided and anything we’ve cut off along the way will soon catch up.

Where do we step next?

Standing still is an option. Listening to what we’ve avoided can help move us to the next stage, rather than creating some new blur of distraction. If we continue to treat life as some destination to success we’ll end up at the end of more roads. Allowing ourselves to see and feel what’s around us opens us to experiences connected to who we are and a less empty existence. Then we are life; a journey that is continuous.

Twego

It’s another rainy day here in Southern California. These wet gray days are my favorite because they are scarce, solemn opportunities to cuddle my thoughts. The sunny weather here can become very loud sometimes; beckoning you outside to play even when you’re mood dictates differently.

Anil Nene - Rainy Day

In the past week or so I’ve contemplated ego and the large space it takes up in our lives as a culture. I’ve always thought that I didn’t have a very large ego until recently coming to the realization that thoughts I have and habits I’ve kept for years are just manifestations of my huge ego. Then I began to think about this social media revolution and what’s driving it.

We have not changed as a culture, we just suddenly have these tools at our fingertips that are a perfect smorgasbord for our voracious egos. Everything we do on Twitter, Facebook, YouTube, this blog is screaming “pay attention to me!”

Even if you’re of the variety that completely balks at the social media craze. You seek out ego feasts in other ways, with a particular circle of friends or activities that make you feel “seen” in a light that enhances your identity and makes you feel better.

I’m sitting here on a rainy day, exercising my Twego because I want to be seen. We all do, in the way James Cameron defines in his Avatar world. We only need to recognize it and be honest with ourselves. This honesty brings Twego closer to us and makes dialog more authentic.

Agenda Free

Jamie Boynton - That's How I Roll

Now is the time of year we begin to act aggressively on all the strategies and resolutions we’ve promised for this year. Our heads filled with expectations and visions of what this year should look like and how we want it to turn out. We reach out to people, set meetings, make schedules, set agendas and carve a path that looks in our mind exactly like what we want it to look like because this is the way we believe we will make our goals.

This is how I used to exist.

This year I’m trying something different. I’m trying the strategy of “I don’t know and I’m okay with it.” I’m beginning conversations without a preconceived notion of what I want to get out of it or where I think it should end. I’m starting relationships with an empty mind and heart, unfilled with all of my baggage from past experiences. I’m looking at opportunities as just that, opportunities, not potential to make money or get something specific in return.

If I approach the world without an agenda, living in the moment, I don’t know what will happen. Not needing to know what will happen is a freeing and a more happy existence than constantly needing to know and worrying; or even trying to control which is futile and exhausting. So I’m just going to live agenda free and see where it takes me. I wonder if they teach this in B school?

Exorcise 2009

Bruno Gori - 2009 - Bruno Gori around tv

I didn’t realize how done I was with last year until it was over. I feel like I’ve come through an exorcism and I’m not alone. Maybe because 2009 was the end of a decade our bodies and minds needed to go through some sort of cleansing to prepare for the new; phew! Seriously, it brings new meaning to the saying, “That was so last year.”

Now that we are toe deep into 2010 I have a renewed sense of purpose and I honestly feel cleansed. All of the hard work and pain of last year was worth it because I am beginning this decade with clarity. I see differently and it paints my judgment and choices in a whole new light. Relationships are easier to keep up and fun is easier to attain naturally because there is less unhappiness to focus on.

Of course, the only way this has anything to do with a year or time, is the amount it took for me to come to this way of thinking; but it’s always nice to have a milestone to note later;)

I Am Not Myself

I’m back from a long road trip with the family this weekend. My oldest turned thirteen and all he wanted to do was spend time with the family. I know, I’m counting the days until this bliss ends. With nothing but time on my hand and road at my feet, I finally got through most of Eckhart Tolle’s, A New Earth, Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose, I blogged about the book when I started it months ago, which just confirms the my earlier point; I’m not an avid reader of actual books, but I do get through them.

Artist - Henry Hall

I’ve often been told that I “take things too personally.” I always responded immediately with a “no I don’t” retort. I believe Tolle’s point is that we take our thought and identify it with who we are, when we should recognize our thought as just that, thoughts. If we separate ourselves from the thoughts we are having than its easier to separate our emotions and egos from them and be more present in the now.

All that is real is now. That past is gone, we can’t change it and the future is not here yet, so we might as well enjoy what is now. That kind of mental freedom is what artists must feel in the midst of creativity. That’s how they can see and create things of true beauty.

Henry Hall, is one of these artist. He lives in Finland but we’re planning on having coffee when he visits this summer. He is a painter, designer, photographer and film maker. His paintings are spectacular, a bit reminiscent of Rothko but I believe ‘borrowing’ is the way of modern art as does my fellow blogger, Eric. Hall’s portraits, however, are something completely on their own. They reach into my soul. The portrait with the blond, freckled woman I have titled “I Am Not Myself” as it reminds me of what I learned from Tolle’s book over the weekend.

The thing I love about Hall is that he pours himself into painting, design and film. I like to see artist express themselves in multiple mediums. It’s courageous, to say the least, and not easy to do well. I’ve always thought jeans were a good way to break into the design industry if one were to do it, so I’m looking forward to speaking with him about his experience.